Today’s Top Ten
Tuesday Thursday (I’ve been sick! And also lazy!) is about leaders. Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly thing (meme? tag? who knows) run by The Broke and the Bookish. You can find more out about it here. Today’s (technically, Tuesday’s, but I DO WHAT I WANT) prompt is ten character who would make great leaders. Because I can’t just do things like a normal person, we’re going to pretend that each of these characters is running as the leader of a political party for the office of Prime Minister of Canada. Why? Who knows. But they’re all running for Prime Minister.
I know this is Top Ten
Tuesday Thursday, but since Canada has three major political parties (the Conservatives, the Liberals, and the NDP) plus the Green Party and the Bloc Québécois, I’ll only present five candidates.
(Disclaimer: This article is not meant to be a political statement. While I have assigned each of the characters parties, I don’t mean them to be analogies for the current or past party leaders. These are all stereotypes and do not necessarily reflect my own opinions.)
Option 1: Kaz Brekker (Six of Crows)
Party: The Liberal Party
Platform: Whatever will get him elected. He’s got a way with words, this one. He always seems to say exactly what you want to hear, but people who completely disagree with you have the same experience. Is he a fiscal conservative? Is he a socialist? Who can tell?
What’s he’ll do if elected: Be the soul of corruption. That being said he’ll pass strong anti-corruption laws – with loopholes only he knows about. Also, he’s a surprisingly strong champion for women’s rights. Those sex traffickers that turned up dead? Probably him, but would you look at that? Subsection 34-J of some huge omnibus bill that the House just passed says that killing sex traffickers isn’t actually illegal.
Why you should vote for him: He’s one of the most experienced candidates, and the most likely to actually get shit done.
Why you shouldn’t vote for him: He’s Kaz Brekker. Do you really think he has the interests of the Canadian people at heart?
Option 2: Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
Party: The Conservative Party
Platform: Her platform has something to do with the economy and everyday Canadians and lower taxes and… something? It tends to sound a bit wooden in Katniss Everdeen’s mouth, though – almost like she didn’t write it herself.
What she’ll do if elected: At first, not much. Her Minister of Justice, Alma Coin, tends to do most of the talking – until a Globe and Mail report reveals that Coin is pretty shady, causing Coin to resign. Then Katniss will step down as PM and let a another, more experienced MP take the reins.
Why you should vote for her: Her platform sounds… Well, it exists… probably? And it doesn’t seem initially terrible… from what you’ve heard.
Why you shouldn’t vote for her: Because you wouldn’t really be voting for her.
Option 3: Aelin Galathynius (Throne of Glass)
Party: The NDP
Platform: A freer and better Canada! We’ll be nicer to people! We’ll be nicer to the environment! We’ll make all sorts of improvements! She has no experience governing at a federal level and has yet to acknowledge that she has an economic policy, but she says she’s going to tax the rich, which is going to pay for all the spending she will do.
What she’ll do if elected: Work on legislation that reduces discrimination in the workplace, reduces carbon emissions, increases paid maternity and paternity leave, raise the minimum wage, and completely forget about budgets until the night before they’re due.
Why you should vote for her: She’s the only member of a major party taking a strong stance on the social issues you care about.
Why you shouldn’t vote for her: There is a 100% chance that she will put the country in crushing debt.
Option 4: Starr Carter (The Hate U Give)
Party: The Green Party
Platform: SOCIAL JUSTICE! Her main focus is the inequality in Canadian society. She promises to take action to decrease discrimination and honour treaty rights with First Nations communities. She also has a surprisingly strong economic platform for the Greens.
What she’ll do if elected: Work as hard as she can to make good on her promises. Her two biggest enemies? Inexperience and bureaucracy.
Why you should vote for her: She’s upfront, earnest, and honest. What you see is what you get.
Why you shouldn’t vote for her: Well, she’s inexperienced… And it’s the Greens… They don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning your riding… And you just really don’t want the incumbent to win…
Option 5: Lada Dracul
Party: Le Bloc Québécois
Platform: LIBERTÉ POUR LE QUÉBEC! Pour trop longtemps, le Québec… Qu’est-ce que vous disez? Que c’est un article en anglais. Voilà le problème là! C’est qu’il faut qu’on parle anglais à cause de cette toute p’tite bataille des Plaines d’Abraham. Ben, j’m’en câlisse de cette bataille! Le Québec est son propre pays, tabarnak! Et on va se séparer! Le Québec pour les québecois! Et…
(For all you anglophones out there, the BQ candidate is currently ranting about how Quebec should be its own country, freed from the oppressive regime of the Canadian government. She is refusing to speak English from a moral standpoint.)
What she’ll do if she’s elected: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. The only way she’s becoming prime minister is if she shows up in Ottawa with an army and kills all the other MPs. If that does happen, Quebec will become its own country. Then she’ll probably try and invade New Brunswick.
Why you should vote for her: Because she’s holding a sword to your neck. Other then that, I’m drawing a blank.
Why you shouldn’t vote for her: Her platform is the definition of nationalism. She also seems to have a serious thing against Muslims.
I hope you enjoyed this Top Ten
TuesThursday. I had a lot of fun doing it. Who knew YA books and Canadian politics would go so well together? I’m just curious. If this was a real election, and these were your real options, who do you think you’d vote for? Leave a comment and tell me!